Weekly words of wisdom: Tiredness or procrastination

Weekly words of wisdom: Tiredness or procrastination

Writer woke up to her alarm clock going off. The comfort of her bed called to her even as she tried to make herself move. She reached out and hit the snooze button. Didn’t she deserve another nine minutes of sleep?
The alarm sounded again much too soon. She turned it off this time, darn annoying alarm. She’d get up in fifteen minutes which turned into three hours.
Athen was on the other side of the city waking up when her alarm clock started making soothing sounds of the ocean. She opened one eye and knew something wasn’t right. Not thinking about it, she hit the snooze button. Her life was in a death spiral she couldn’t afford to procrastinate. Once again, the alarm went off and she pulled herself out of bed.
She stumbled to the bathroom and looked for her smile, but it was missing. She shrugged her shoulders honestly she wasn’t smiling most mornings. So instead she looked for the sheer determination that was always on her face. The look that said she was going to kick the world in its balls today and it didn’t matter how she felt.
That look wasn’t their either. Brush teeth and get coffee she thought to herself. This was the first day in almost thirty years she didn’t have any place to be. She did need to search the net for job openings and put in applications. Once her teeth were brushed, she stumbled downstairs. Coffee she kept repeating like she was a zombie in search of brains.
Aww, the first cup. She took a sip waiting for the goodness of caffeine to kick in and jump start her engine. It wasn’t even eight yet; she could afford to sit in her recliner before she hiked back up the steps and sat down at her computer. One more sip of coffee before she sat it down and closed her eyes. Several hours later she would awaken.
Writer crawled out of bed with her eyes red and the weight of the world on her shoulders. She screamed at herself as she made her way to the bathroom. You’re lazy writer she told herself. You’re pitiful, an empty waste of space. Her head dropped acknowledging that maybe she was a mistake.
Way to make yourself feel good. She shrugged the truth was always better than a lie. Instead, she forced herself to take a shower because that would make her feel better. How could she be this tired? Because you’re lazy, a helpful mental voice told her. Oh yeah, how could she have forgotten so soon? Shower done she went downstairs for a cup of tea. Tea sweet tea she sang in her head. Maybe I’ll make food too. Since she couldn’t remember the last time she ate the thought of food was almost appealing.
She sat down with food and tea in hand turning on the news while she ate. Maybe the sound of the television would keep her awake long enough to finish her meal.
Athen woke with a start cursing herself for her procrastination. That’s not how the world works she told herself. You must work hard every day to get ahead. You’re a woman she told herself someone is always watching you expecting you not to measure up. Cold cup of coffee in hand she poured it down the sink and pulled the stairs until she made it to her room. She plopped in front of the computer and tried to focus on the screen.
Forty minutes later she gave up if she didn’t lay down soon she was going to fall asleep in her chair. It had happened to her more than once when she was working. The embarrassment, the shame of falling asleep at work still haunted her. Of course, she didn’t deserve a raise or promotion. Although her boss told her all the time that she did three times the work as the others, the others weren’t lazy they simply did enough to get by. It was what was expected so she ended up taking up the slack.
It didn’t matter she told herself, all that mattered was getting a new job. The early grave waiting for her was simply her destination.
Writer made herself go upstairs and sit at her desk. She opened her manuscript and started working on the new novel that she was in love with. Her eyes kept closing, and she swayed in the chair, but she didn’t stop. Today she wouldn’t disappoint herself. Today she would make good on all her promises and become what she was always meant to be.
When she almost fell out of the chair, she closed her computer and dragged herself back to bed.
Two individuals totally different both of them suffering from the sin of procrastination or was it something different?
The world revolves around us so fast that at times we don’t have time to think. Could their procrastination be tiredness? Could their tiredness be an extreme exhaustion? The kind that causes car accidents and death because we’re so busy keeping up and doing what’s expected of us that we forget to take care of ourselves year after year.
Decide for yourself. All I know is it took me over a year to recover from the exhaustion of my life, and at times I still have to be careful. Happy reading, happy life.

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